Autistics in Mental Health Crisis (first in a series)

Autistics in Crisis Part One: The Personal or What I Wish Professionals Had Known

In January 2016, I sat in a large chair in the ER of George Washington University Hospital (GW), with my gown tied on backwards because I had never gone to a hospital for feeling unsafe and suicidal before. The ER nurses thought I would know how to tie a gown; I didn’t. Nurses came and went, occasionally conversing with me or asking questions while I waited on the social worker. Once she arrived, the social worker said to me, “more like Asperger’s, right?” I had told the nurses I was Autistic.

She didn’t seem to believe me when I corrected her.  “I’m Autistic.” It made me uneasy even in my fight or flight panic mode. At least it was something I could actually manage to put words to through rote memory. I gave her a rundown of why she should call me autistic as I had said, and I don’t know if she took any of it to heart. She also seemed to blame being autistic for my social isolation. I wish she had known that correcting someone’s statement of identity because of how they present is not okay. I wish she had known that a lot of my social isolation didn’t come from autism itself, but from factors like adjusting the area, where I was living in the area, and a lot of non-disabled people being weird about autism and visible neurodivergence.

The fluorescent lights hurt and left me with dancing spots of color in my vision. The chatter of nurses around me, other patients calling out (just wanting to go home), and the ringing of phones and intercom announcements pierced my hearing. I cried from emotional pain, but also from being in sensory hell. Not being someplace quiet and dim made it even more overwhelming.

Later that year, in June, the ER was bright and loud at Georgetown University Hospital, but I did tie my gown correctly this time. They took me to a quiet room so I could be in a less overloading area to talk to the resident, but then they brought me back to the main ER section. I wish both places had known that it’s really hard for Autistic people and people with sensory processing issues to be in an ER. I wish they would have tried to find a way to reduce the sensory input, like giving me earplugs, and putting up a partial curtain to block the lights.

At Georgetown’s ward, they were a lot kinder and had different expectations, though I still felt confined, because it was a psych ward. There weren’t the assumptions about autism this time. They gave me earplugs to help with the lack of absolute quiet on the ward. In the ward at GW, yes I was in a depressive episode. No, I didn’t want to talk to a bunch of people I didn’t know in a place I’d never been before (with no Internet or cell phone access). No, I didn’t want to go to groups – they should have stopped pressuring me. I’m Autistic. Strangers and new places are hard for me. I wish GW had known that.

. . .

This is part one in a series of an unknown number of posts.

 

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One thought on “Autistics in Mental Health Crisis (first in a series)

  1. Pingback: an exploration of autistic mad pride: part one, introduction | Paginated Thoughts

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